Tired of getting angry in your relationships?
Anger is toxic. There is no love when you feel anger. Even if you try to suppress your anger in order to look polite, the anger will be seen on your body. You cannot hide it. Slowly your body will become sick. You become toxic. Your life energy will deplete.
What can you do? Throw your tantrums and brake few plates? Yell at your children or spouse? Slam the door and hide in your private space?
Anger is very powerful energy and as you could already realize, it can break our relationships, plates or we can even hurt someone if not kill.
The good news are that we can do something about it. When more accumulated anger we have, more time we need to heal.
First is good to observe what make us so mad. What are our triggers? For that we need to practice mindfulness and observe our mind before our anger arises. Some people react to one situation differently than others.
We have our views, attitudes, experiences and beliefs. Each of us is unique.
For example, someone who loves dogs allows his neighbors to use their front yard to play fetch but someone who hates dogs would get mad if he sees a dog crossing his property.
There is a famous saying I would love to include here. “Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”.
So am I basically saying you are responsible for your anger?
We can rewire our brains and focus more on creativity to release our negativity. You have to make an effort if you want to see changes in your life and heal. Put yourself into something that you love to do.
The anger is an energy, it is not you. You are not the anger, the angry person. The anger is a guest in your body, it comes and it goes. You can invite other guests, like love or compassion into your body and you will see the shift in your energy.
Be mindful of your breath when you are becoming angry and then when you are doing something you love, the breath naturally changes, your body changes, and your relationships change as well.
Yes, there has been research saying that little anger is helpful, so we can change things. But how much anger do you need to change anything? The creativity is what will change social movements or child abuse. The love for animals can change their lives. When you are angry, you are most likely not seeing the reality, the clear picture of the whole situation. You start thinking again when you calm down.
There is another option to work with anger and that is a “pause”. When you are becoming angry, before you throw the tantrum or bad words, pause and start breathing, you can leave the situation in order not to hurt your family members telling them, you are going to cool down. And then you start to think; What made you feel upset? Why that would upset you? Is it necessary to be upset about it? Is there any solution to it? Can you talk to someone to solve the problem creatively? Can you leave the situation you are in? Do you have a support network to vent creatively? …
All that takes practice, but it is possible.
There are many creative ways to manage your anger, these are just few techniques of many. You can create your own.